Between dating apps and the gradual re-opening of bars around the world, it’s easier than ever to meet other singles if you’re single. What’s interesting, however, is that many single people with a plethora of options at their fingertips rarely go out on dates. Some avoid dating altogether.
The ‘paradox of choice’ causes us to become overwhelmed by too many options, making us more likely to choose nobody.
While it’s certainly indisputable that we would have better luck finding a partner if we actually went out on dates, there are reasons why many of us alienate ourselves from the dating culture. It is important to remember, however, that your dating life will change for the better if you start putting yourself out there and start making an effort to go on more dates.
It’s easy to go on more dates. All you have to do is commit to going on at least one date per week. It’s simple enough to go on a dating app and find your weekly date, or ask a friend to set you up. The most important thing is to start going on more dates.
My counsellor once told me, “Relationships are really great teachers.” Even a 2 week relationship can teach you a lot about yourself, your needs, your flaws, your shortcomings, your goals, and more. This is just one of many reasons to go on more dates – to learn about yourself and grow. You don’t have to sleep with everyone you date, just like not everyone you date will want to build something meaningful with you. That’s all okay. Rejection is a natural part of the dating process, and the sooner you can understand that and not take it personally, the sooner you can let go of your fear of rejection and date more people.
You want to find love, but Mr. or Mrs. Right is definitely not going to be knocking on your door asking to borrow a cup of sugar. Love most likely isn’t going to magically fall into your lap, because your life is not a movie.
Below are a 7 key reasons why you should go on more dates:
1. The Paradox of Choice Only Ruins Dating if You Let It
When we are overwhelmed by the shocking amount of matches we get on a dating app, following up with these matches becomes a ‘job’ that we want to avoid dealing with. So, we message nobody. We also become less and less satisfied with each option whenever we believe we have a ton of options to choose from, and that’s part of the problem with the paradox of choice.
Too much choice can ruin dating, if you let it. The paradox of choice can cause us to go on fewer dates than we could or should go on. However, the more dates we go on, the more likely we are to find someone special. In order to find someone special, you must go on a bunch of dates, and you have to be seen. Yes, this involves spending time getting ready and washing your hair, but it is worth the effort.
2. Mr. or Mrs. Right is Not Going to Fall into Your Lap
Remember that ‘the one’ won’t fall into your lap while you’re sitting at home watching Netflix. You have to get out there, date a bunch of the wrong people, and kiss some frogs before you will find the one.
The frustrating ‘No’s while dating will eventually lead to that coveted ‘Yes’. Just sitting there, however, will lead you nowhere. Avoiding the dating scene is obviously not how you will meet someone.
3. Dating Actively Will Help You Gain Confidence and Help You Understand What You Want
Going on lots of dates, or playing the field, is something every single person should do for a period of time. It helps you recognize what you actually want in a partner and promotes personal growth. For example, dating a bunch of the wrong people might help you discover that you need a partner who is emotionally intelligent.
Dating is a numbers game, meaning that the more people you date, the more likely you are to find your match. In general, dating can also be a confidence-booster, once you realize that you do have options and that you are desirable.
You might gain confidence by dating multiple people, which will help raise your standards. Gaining confidence also translates into self-love, which helps ensure that you won’t settle for less than what you deserve in a partner.
4. A Bad Date is a Good Thing
While it’s true that not all dates are confidence-boosters and bad dates definitely happen, there’s a silver lining. Bad dates are a good thing because every bad date with another wrong person means you are that much closer to finding the right person.
You’re not supposed to settle for someone you’re only sort of interested in. Every bad (or mediocre) date will get you that much closer to an amazing date with someone you’re very interested in, which brings us to our next point.
5. More ‘No’s Bring You Closer to a ‘Yes!’
The law of averages proves that the more people you date, the closer you will get to that perfect relationship.
One of the biggest mistakes we are all making when it comes to dating is that we don’t give the law of averages an opportunity to work its magic. We are not putting ourselves out there enough – not even by a mile. If you have been rejected a hundred times, you might develop a fear of rejection, which stops you from enjoying dating altogether.
The more failed dates you have, the more people you are not that into, and the more times you are rejected – the more chances you have to find someone that will become your soulmate.
6. You’ll Stop Cherry-Picking Your Dates
If you cherry-pick and therefore reject most of your date opportunities, you might go on dates more rarely – and thus you might end up going on a date with low self-esteem, too much overthinking, and a fear of rejection. (Another reason not to cherry-pick is that sometimes the person who looks the least appealing on a dating app is the person who blows you away in real life.) The law of averages shows that the more dates you have, the higher dating success you will reach.
If that does not sound like a reason to start dating more, how about the fact that dating several people at the same time can help you feel more confident and not scare off your potential soulmate by acting needy? If you are dating one guy and he or she is not showing you the amount of attention or affection you crave, you will stress over them way too much.
You will overthink and overanalyze what they say, read into what they don’t say, and if they don’t text you back, temporary anxiety can consume your thoughts. When you have got a few people texting you, though, since you have gone on several dates, you won’t even notice when one of them gives you less attention. Until you meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, it is perfectly fine to date a few people at once.
7. The More Dates You Go On, the Better You Will be at Dating
If you overcome your fears and start going on more and more dates, you begin to feel comfortable on dates, making them less stressful. Being ‘excellent’ at dating is a legitimate thing. After all, practice makes it perfect. Yes, dating is a skill.
Don’t forget, dating is supposed to be fun. Even if you end up feeling a lack of romantic chemistry, any date itself is still usually pretty entertaining and fun. Or, you learn something valuable about yourself on the date. Remember that even bad dates are beneficial to your overall dating success, so get out there and date! It’s completely natural to want to find the right partner and find love, and that’s why you can’t be afraid to go on more dates, more often.